I remember when I first got married, dealing with conflict was overwhelming. I felt like there was a mirror pointed at my flaws and wounds. It was so painful and difficult. I wanted to run away because I didn't know how to change. We had two children in our first three years of marriage. I was sleep deprived and trying to balance work with motherhood and being a wife. I was exhausted and resentful. Overtime, I started to blame my husband more and more. I had a lot of negative thoughts in my head. I thought, if we would just change in this way then things would be better. We would end up having an explosive fight (with me doing the exploding) about every three weeks. It wasn't how either of us expected our marriage to be. My husband tried to express how I was hurting him but he couldn't tell me how to be different. And neither could marriage counselors. I felt trapped. I didn't want to hurt my husband but he was hurting me as well ( emotionally, not physically).
The first shift came about five or six years into our marriage. We attended a marriage conference at a Church and it focused on the differences between men and women. I had so many lightbulb moments! My husband wasn't broken, he just had a different way of thinking. The more I have understood how he thinks and acts, the better our marriage has become. I stopped attributing negative motivations to his actions. I stopped wanting him to act like me (or a woman). We have a lot more peace. I will create a video to explain this further. Learning to love and accept your husband as he is, is so powerful. Don't you want to be loved and accepted as you are?
Our marriage was slightly improved but the major shift didn't come until I learned to focus on changing the only person I could, myself. I created this page to help guide you in doing the same. I am three years into my personal transformation and my husband has been working on his own transformation as well. He is becoming a better version of himself because he wants too, not because I am telling him that he needs to change. I am looking forward to sharing more with you and creating a wonderful community! I am on this journey with you.
I want to invite you to help create a community of women who are committed to their marriages. We are striving to become a better version of ourselves. We want to rediscover what makes us joyful. No matter what your current marriage looks like. there is so much hope!
A common frustration in marriages can be that men are more likely to speak through actions while women are more likely to speak verbally. The frustration goes both ways. A man can be frustrated by a woman's monologue when she apologizes and promises to change. The words fall flat without action. Men want to see actions to back up words. On the flip side, women crave WORDS! We want to HEAR how much they love us and cherish us. And sometimes they do speak with words. Also, this will vary based on personality and love languages. In general though, men show their love through actions more often than with words. This is especially common after marriage and children. If you can learn to look for evidence of your husband's love through his actions and show appreciation, both of you will benefit. You will be assured of his love and feel more cherished. He will be pleased that you are able to recognize his love and appreciate it.
I often say stuff and do not get...
Weekends are ideally a time to spend increased time resting and doing activities that will nourish you physically, mentally and spiritually. The reality is that we often have very busy weekends and end up even more exhausted. I am in the midst of the 8 month sleep regression and I will need to be extra intentional about my activities this weekend. It can be really difficult to find a balance between chores, errands, social activities and the extra-curricular activities that your children have. I am going to walk you through some suggestions for things to consider as you prepare for the weekend.
The first step is to take account of what you are feeling depleted in. As I discussed in the holiday exhaustion recovery plan, it is important to figure out how you are depleted. What are your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs? Learning how to be more in-tune with your needs is honestly such a game changer. What ...
I remember thinking in the first few years of marriage that if my husband only said or did certain things then I would feel loved, appreciated and be happy. Guess what, now he does and says those things are there are still days that I don't FEEL happy. Do you know why? Because happiness is a choice. We have to choose to focus our thoughts on happy things. We need to take care of ourselves when we are depleted. Our happiness can not rely on our husband's actions. It is crucial to realize that your husband can't actually make you feel a particular way. You still have control over your thoughts and you can learn how to get control over your feelings. This can work for both positive and negative feelings but I am going to focus on positive feelings.
When I was unhappy earlier in my marriage, it was because I was focused on what my husband wasn't doing. If he ever said anything negative about me, I would repeat that over and over in my head. I wasn't repeating all the ...
