I remember thinking in the first few years of marriage that if my husband only said or did certain things then I would feel loved, appreciated and be happy. Guess what, now he does and says those things are there are still days that I don't FEEL happy. Do you know why? Because happiness is a choice. We have to choose to focus our thoughts on happy things. We need to take care of ourselves when we are depleted. Our happiness can not rely on our husband's actions. It is crucial to realize that your husband can't actually make you feel a particular way. You still have control over your thoughts and you can learn how to get control over your feelings. This can work for both positive and negative feelings but I am going to focus on positive feelings.
When I was unhappy earlier in my marriage, it was because I was focused on what my husband wasn't doing. If he ever said anything negative about me, I would repeat that over and over in my head. I wasn't repeating all the positive things he said or did. When I would vent my frustrations over the negative things he said or did, he would feel defeated. Why didn't I see all of the evidence that he did love and care about me? Also, I would focus my negative feelings on him. I felt that way because of him. It wasn't because I was tired, overwhelmed, hungry or anything else. No wonder husband felt frustrated and defeated. He couldn't fix everything for me!
What do I do when I am feeling a bit low now? First, I take account of what it is that I really need. Usually I am physically tired which makes me feel more depressed. I take a nap when I can. I also tell myself that my husband is not the problem. When negative thoughts are overwhelming me, I do something to stop them. You will need to find out what works for you but some things that work for me are to go outside for a walk, exercise, listen to upbeat music, pray or watch a rom-com. I have to tell myself that my husband does love me and care for me. I try to focus on the positive and shift my grumpy thoughts to gratitude. It really is helpful to know that your husband doesn't have as much influence over your feelings as you thought he did. Trust me, he will be so relieved to know that your happiness is no longer fixated on him!
I want to invite you to help create a community of women who are committed to their marriages. We are striving to become a better version of ourselves. We want to rediscover what makes us joyful. No matter what your current marriage looks like. there is so much hope!
A common frustration in marriages can be that men are more likely to speak through actions while women are more likely to speak verbally. The frustration goes both ways. A man can be frustrated by a woman's monologue when she apologizes and promises to change. The words fall flat without action. Men want to see actions to back up words. On the flip side, women crave WORDS! We want to HEAR how much they love us and cherish us. And sometimes they do speak with words. Also, this will vary based on personality and love languages. In general though, men show their love through actions more often than with words. This is especially common after marriage and children. If you can learn to look for evidence of your husband's love through his actions and show appreciation, both of you will benefit. You will be assured of his love and feel more cherished. He will be pleased that you are able to recognize his love and appreciate it.
I often say stuff and do not get...
Weekends are ideally a time to spend increased time resting and doing activities that will nourish you physically, mentally and spiritually. The reality is that we often have very busy weekends and end up even more exhausted. I am in the midst of the 8 month sleep regression and I will need to be extra intentional about my activities this weekend. It can be really difficult to find a balance between chores, errands, social activities and the extra-curricular activities that your children have. I am going to walk you through some suggestions for things to consider as you prepare for the weekend.
The first step is to take account of what you are feeling depleted in. As I discussed in the holiday exhaustion recovery plan, it is important to figure out how you are depleted. What are your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs? Learning how to be more in-tune with your needs is honestly such a game changer. What ...
We are about to start a really busy time of the year. It can be a wonderful time of the year or it can be a stressful time of year. What is your game plan for success?
My first suggestion is to not over-schedule yourself. Women are notorious for trying to do it all because we don't want to let others down. What is the cost of that though? It usually leads to burn out and harms the peace in your home. It is also likely that your husband is not on board with everything you schedule and he might get frustrated. I encourage you to really think about what you will participate in this season and do not overschedule yourself. Build rest into your days. How will you prioritize rest and self-care amidst the busy days?
What do you want your holidays to look like this year? I know I want them to be more relaxing with more family time. I am going to work on making sure that I don't put self-care on the backburner so that I can actually enjoy the season. I am going to prioritize properly feeding ...
